There is shit on the comforter, on her pajamas, on the bed, and in the diaper on the floor in the living room. Just a heads up so you don’t step in any of it. We’re taking a shower now.

That was the text I sent to Dave this morning. And it’s actually a much better text than the series of texts I sent him yesterday morning (he was working the last 48 hours):

She woke me up at five to eat. I got my period yesterday, and when I woke up I felt really wet. I had to take her with me into the bathroom and put her on the floor while I cleaned up what looked like a crime scene. I swear there has never been so much blood.

Then I had to go into the other bathroom for a tampon, and she crawled into the living room behind me, crying all the way. It was so sad lol. 

I bring her back into the bedroom and I see blood on the sheet. OK, no big deal. We get back into bed and I start feeding her. But then she has to poop. So she’s grunting away and I just let her be. She finally pooped and oh my god did it stink. But she immediately closed her eyes and fell asleep, so I was just going to leave her. Plus I didn’t have a diaper in the bedroom.

But the poop stunk SO bad, after two minutes I couldn’t take it. So I got up again to go into the other room and get some diapers, and she woke up and started crying again. I grabbed her to lay her down so I could change her diaper, and her pajamas were soaking wet. I was so confused, why were they wet? I turned on the light. 

Well, it’s because they were covered in shit. There was shit all over her pajamas, all over her legs and stomach, and the sheets and my hands were “wet” with diarrhea. 

So yeah, it was a very messy night LOL.

Happy new year y’all! As you can see, 2017 has been pretty focused on poop. Poop, feeding Lily, and trying to get her to sleep – it seems like that’s all I’ve been thinking about for the past 10 months. 

My breastfeeding journey is a whole nother post, but I will say that almost ten months in I am still pretty much exclusively breastfeeding (which means just boob, no bottle). This wasn’t necessarily by choice. She started refusing a bottle from Dave around four months, and since I’m home with her all day I don’t see the point of struggling to get her back on the bottle. But it can be QUITE inconvenient when we’re out and she gets hungry. And I can’t leave her with anyone for more than two hours at a time because she eats so often. Lucky for her I don’t have anywhere else that I need to be.

Sleep…I guess that could be it’s own post as well. Lily was the best sleeper you could possibly have. She was sleeping 8, 9 hours straight every night! Until she hit 6 months and began teething, that is. Then everything changed. She started rolling over and outgrew the Rock and Play we were using at night, and she hated her crib, so we moved her in the bed with us. And she started waking up every two hours. It was awful! 

Lately it’s gotten a little better – she’s “only” been waking up two or three times a night. Sleep training is somewhere in our future, I think, but like with the breastfeeding, I do not see the point of struggling with sleep training when I’m working from home (and I’m using the term “working” very loosely – I haven’t worked at all the last two months, and my hours since Lily was born have been very minimal). I can’t stand to hear her cry, which is what she does the second I put her in that crib anytime after 8 pm. So right now I’m just taking it one night at a time. We’ll see what happens. 

As for poop, well, you see above what I am dealing with. Ever since we started giving her people food at six months, I am constantly thinking about her poop – mainly the texture and frequency. (And color, apparently. Dave just changed a BLUE poop diaper as I wrote this.) At one point she was really constipated and we had to give her a suppository. That wasn’t fun. Now we seem to be at the opposite end of the spectrum. And so it goes.

This post may sound like I’m complaining. I’m not. No, I didn’t like having shit in my bed the past two mornings. Who would?! But I love my life with Lily, and even though I am tired as f*ck, I am so grateful for it. I remember before she was born I was really worried that I wouldn’t like being a mom. Thankfully, that has not been the case. She brings me so much joy that even when it’s really hard, it’s still really good.