I am eternally grateful for the existence of Saltines crackers. These things have given me life soooo many times over the course of this pregnancy.

When I was around 5 weeks pregnant and morning sickness was starting to kick in, my friend told me to keep crackers by my bed at all times. This advice has paid off in spades. I think I’ve gone through five big boxes of Saltines since July. That’s a lot of effin crackers.

I can’t complain too much about my morning sickness, because from what I’ve read of other pregnancy experiences, my first trimester could have been so much worse. I haven’t thrown up once, so apparently I’m #winning. That being said, “morning” sickness has been kicking my ass since the summer, and my only defense has been my Saltines crackers.

It took me a while to realize the full potential of my Saltines. It wasn’t until my fourth or fifth time waking up at 3 am completely nauseous that I had the thought, “Try eating crackers.” It was like a voice from above. I mean, who thinks to eat at 3 in the morning?? Granted, if I’ve just come home after a night of drinking, then yes, I’ll eat at 3 in the morning (or 4 or 5, whatever, just give me some pizza or ramen please). But to wake up sober in your bed and lay in the dark eating crackers while your husband sleeps next to you, blissfully unaware of how much you’re suffering? That was a bit outside of my realm of normalcy. 

But not anymore! Now it is completely normal for me to eat Saltines in bed in the dark. Before I go to bed I open the package a little so that the crinkling plastic doesn’t make too much noise and wake anyone up (it is SO LOUD!!). Yes, they get staler faster, but I go through them so fast that it barely makes a difference.

Sometimes I wish they were a *tiny* bit smaller. They’re too big to fit in my mouth whole, but as soon as you bite them you end up with crumbs! Which I obviously don’t want in my bed. So I have to put my hand over my mouth to keep the crumbs in while I break it into two or three pieces. I’ll roll the chewed-up cracker around my mouth for about 10 seconds, then swallow. I swear, I can feel it make its way down my esophagus into my stomach. It’s weird. Once it reaches my stomach, it’s like magic – I instantly feel a little bit better. I repeat the process 5 or more times (I always need at least 6 crackers), and the nausea goes away and I can get back to sleep.

After I pee, of course. But that’s another post for another day. This post is all about you, Saltines. Thank you. I couldn’t do it without you. 🙂